It’s a rainy morning in San Francisco. I made it here after a fuckin’ mission from Ireland. I’m sitting on the stoop at my homie’s place on 3rd and Geary. Spending time with the rain and this quiet silver morning in the city. Smoking cigarettes I don’t even want. Thinking the normally pushed-away thoughts.
The world lost a pure soul to pancreatic cancer on Tuesday. A dear family friend of mine took his last fighting breath and my heart aches. Not for him, for he is in peace now, but for those left behind.
If you’re like me, a 20-something, then maybe you’ve noticed it too…we’re getting to that point in life where we begin to realize that life is fleeting, precious, and that death and life don’t have as much contrast as we maybe once believed. You can’t have one without the other.
But there you are and here I am, and I don’t know about you, but I am very much alive…I don’t know what time it is because I’ve been transcontinental, I don’t remember what a good night’s sleep feels like or the last time I ate, I’m physically shivering in this cold morning rain, I need a shower and a change of clothes, I have a hundred and one things to do before school on Monday, but nonetheless , I am very much alive.
And when life takes away a gem, we must learn to live for them.
What an amazing 8 hours in L.A. with some of my chosen ohana (that means family for all you continent kids that haven’t seen Lilo and Stitch).
My girl Yana picked me up, took me to In-n-Out (standard), and showed me her place. We caught up, while cuddled up on the cool leather couch, and talked about how many wonderful years we’ve called each other friends.
At ‘round 1:30am my brotha from anotha motha picked me up for some spontaneous morning fun and some unexpected inspiration. I got to meet his incredibly talented friends who stayed up with us puffing spliffs, sipping soju and whiskey, and getting lost in conversation. Then, on our way to the airport, we talked about how lucky we were to have each other as true friends, that ride or die, that have your back ‘til my dying day, kinda thing. He told me that he, above any friend of mine, had the highest standards for any man that wants to be in my life romantically. He went on a bit and I rememer him saying, “since I’ll never get to experience you in that way, any man who gets that chance better be the most incredible man I’ve ever met.”
Man, all 8 hours of this layover have left me radiating so much love.
Annnd, I’m being told to put away my phone, EWR I’ll see you soon. Aloha.
but I like the temporary man
I like the visitor type
who I can have an adventure with
who’s only in town for a few days
who I never have to see again (if I choose not to)
who will never step on my heart
Just think of the trees: they let the birds perch and fly, with no intention to call them when they come and no longing for their return when they fly away. If people’s hearts can be like the trees, they will not be off the Way. — Langya
My theory is that if I make this sweeping declaration public then maybe it will materialize, so with that….
I’ve decided that by my birthday (June 26) I’m going to be in better shape than I’ve ever been. Kickboxing, yoga, gym 2x a week, hiking (even if I have to go by myself).
I’m going to work hard at my job and in school. SAVE MONEY. Read more. Meditate.
I’m going to be glowing, confident, happy. Maybe even getting laid. Being a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister. I’m gonna make my papa proud. Make more jewelry, write, swim more, create, be in love. I’m going to be 22, and better than I’ve ever been.